Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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