I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
