remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
