Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
