gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
