I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize