There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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