If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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