Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
