Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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