So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
