Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
