and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
