the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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