She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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