dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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