Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
