Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
