the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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