so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
home. puking in laundry basket.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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