I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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