i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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