I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
