I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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