She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
