i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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