My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
