she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
