I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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