Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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