Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
