Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
