Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize