My first STD was from a foam party
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize