That's when you crack a 10am beer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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