Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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