Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
