the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
