i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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