That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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