the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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