When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
