There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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