pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
