The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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