is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
