People with herpes should wear stickers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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