mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
