Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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