Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
