Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
