dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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