If that was your dad, he is hot
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
