also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
