How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
