Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
