Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
