We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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