It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
