Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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