i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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