dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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