i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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