fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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