I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize