I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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