Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't deserve a penis
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
