Plan B is the new Plan A
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
did you just send me my own nude
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize