so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize