i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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