Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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