you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
