You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
